Dance After Dark Photography

I’m watching Pathfinder right now, and I’m wondering why. I didn’t pay for the rental, so I’m not terribly upset. Most of my frustration comes from obvious fallacies in the movie, some of which are pretty standard fantasy conventions.

The hero finds a sword in woods, so of course he teaches himself to use it. Of course he’s better with it than Viking warriors who’ve fought their entire lives.

The Viking baddies in this movie are supposed to be settlers, but there are no women. They brought horses, but they didn’t bring women. (No comment.) Never mind the fact that they should’ve had room for both in the huge wooden boat that Vikings didn’t actually build. These guys all look like an album cover from Molly Hatchet rather than anything remotely historically accurate.

When an enemy pops out of the river in front of you, you should strike down at him. Under no circumstances should you swing horizontally, well above his head even if he weren’t still ducking, so that he can easily gut you.

In the snowboarding scene (yes, there’s a snowboarding scene), the hulking Viking warriors with their armor and big sleds that they just happened to have handy slide down the snow-covered mountain at the same speed or slower than a much smaller, half-naked teen sliding belly-down on a stolen shield.

Since when do action movies have to be dumb? I know you’re supposed to suspend disbelief, but help me out! I can’t do all the work.

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